It's been awhile.

Or maybe, more accurately, a long time in coming.

I decided last time I wrote that enough was enough. No more whining here. I can't stand the sound of it in my own head anymore, so I won't inflict it on anyone else anymore.

Today, I did something I've wanted to do, meant to do, but didn't do for a very long time.

I took several very scary, very positive steps forward into the future. Now, all I have to do is take it one day at a time. One simple, positive step at a time.

I WILL -  I CAN  -  I DO

These are my new mantra.

What have I done? Let me tell you.

1) I finally, finally decided to take control of my finances and joined a debt service. They are, even as we speak, in control of my fucking huge ass credit card bills and negotiating them down to a reasonable amount. If all goes well, I should be able to pay them off within two years, if not sooner. My goal is sooner. A LOT sooner.

Do I feel guilty about not paying the whole bill? I mean, I did spend all that money, right?

Ummm, WRONG -  Half the amount on my cards is from hidden fees the credit card comps charge, huge interest, and "fancy" services I didn't want but was too stupid to remove.

And then I will move on to my student loans, and just keep paying what I'm paying for this toward getting those paid off. It will almost double that amount, which means It will get paid off twice as fast. 

Debt free, people. FREE! A worthy goal, don't you think? Any tips would be greatly appreciated. I plan on having a huge "Monopoly" themed party at the end of all this, and I'll come as the "Get Out of Jail Free" card. You're welcome to join me.

2) I forced myself, weak knees and weak bank account and all, into my local YMCA and joined. Forty-five minutes later, after a tour with the DIRECTOR himself (A gorgeous mid-forties black man in a sweet suit & power tie) and several loud CHEERS from the ridiculously friendly and happy staff, I am a certified Health Club member.

I'm still a little freaked out.

OK, A Lot freaked out. Yeah, it's a good freaked out, but still I feel a little shaky, even though I didn't actually do anything today other than hand over my credit card and sign stuff.

I have an appointment next Monday afternoon with a trainer named Jason who's going to get me set up and work on my goal setting.

Honestly? I think that's probably going to be my biggest hurdle.

I suck at goal setting. And no, that's not whining. Just fact. But it is a truth that has the potential to change, just like me.

What do I want as my ulitmate goal? I'm aiming for 140 pounds. Yeah. That's a BIG goal. That's why I call it my ULTIMATE goal.

In the short run, I want to find a few activities that I really enjoy and can stick with. I'm aiming for two to three pounds a week.

I'm realistic. I know this is going to take a long time and a lot of hard work. At times, it's going to fucking hurt. I know this. KNOW it. 

But it can't possibly hurt worse that my spirit has all these years. 

I want to meet that woman inside me. I want her to see the sun, be free, be accepted, be happy. She's a warrior, and I'm asking my Goddess to help me set her free.  

So, my friends in the dark. Here begins a New Chapter in

Revamping Jinx